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While most articles on fasting and abstinence focus on the requirements, customs, and traditions associated with food and drink, there are also customs in the Tradition of Christian spouses abstaining from the marital act in line with liturgical life. This is known to have been practiced at least since the time of St. Paul. The Blessed Apostle counseled Christians couples to not abstain from the marital embrace except for a specific instance of mutual consent. Long before Natural Family Planning (NFP) began to be actively taught and practiced by the faithful, these customs of sexual abstinence served as a sort of NFP in themselves.
For many traditional Catholic families, the prospect of a large family is highly desired albeit not without its concerns. While parents must be open to life should God choose to send them any – or many children – the physical, emotional, and financial toll of birthing, nursing, and raising many children in quick succession can be a significant cross to bear. As a result, some couples are counseled even by faithful, traditional Catholic priests to abstain from the marital act at times. This form of natural family planning can be incorporated into the Church’s liturgical calendar as our forefathers did. These customs not only helped families in spacing out children but also helped them grow in chastity and purity. As such, this forgotten custom needs to be taught to Catholics of today.
Abstinence from Sexual Activity in Lent
Besides observing the robust Lenten fast from all meat and animal products, the faithful throughout the Middle Ages also abstained from sexual relations during the whole of Lent,[1] as evidenced by birth records showing a drastic decrease in births nine months after Lent. In Spain, the custom of abstaining from sexual relations was widely practiced well into the mid-1900s and did not widely end until the completion of Franco’s rule. While not part of Roman Catholic fasting rules, the Eastern Orthodox Church continues to require abstinence from sexual relations during Lent. Similarly, the Ukrainian Catholic Church counsels:
Married couples are expected to abstain from the marital embrace throughout the Church’s four fasting seasons as well as on the weekly Wednesday and Friday fasts and the Communion fast. This aspect of the fasting rule is probably even more widely ignored, and more difficult for many, than those relating to food. In recognition of this, some sources advocate a more modest, minimal rule: couples should abstain from the marital embrace before receiving Holy Communion and throughout Holy Week.
Abstinence Before Holy Communion
Often unknown to even more pious Catholics, the Catechism of the Council of Trent admonished priests to exhort the faithful to abstain from sexual relations for three days before Holy Communion to apply themselves more to prayer before receiving the flesh and blood of God:
But as every blessing is to be obtained from God by holy prayer, the faithful are also to be taught sometimes to abstain from the marriage debt, in order to devote themselves to prayer. Let the faithful understand that (this religious continence), according to the proper and holy injunction of our predecessors, is particularly to be observed for at least three days before Communion, and oftener during the solemn fast of Lent.
However, this custom long preceded the Council of Trent. St. Augustine advocated for periodic continence among married couples to devote themselves to prayer and spiritual readiness. He referenced 1 Corinthians 7:5, where St. Paul advises spouses to abstain temporarily for prayer: Do not deprive each other except perhaps by mutual consent and for a time, so that you may devote yourselves to prayer. Pope St. Gregory the Great similarly emphasized the necessity of purity for those approaching the sacred mysteries. He taught that married individuals should practice continence before participating in the Eucharist to approach the sacrament with a pure heart.
St. John Chrysostom, known for his eloquent preaching, encouraged married couples from abstain from sexual relations during fasting periods and before receiving Holy Communion, emphasizing that such abstinence helped cultivate self-control and spiritual readiness. And St. Thomas Aquinas likewise taught:
The married state does not exclude perfection, but it is a hindrance to it, in so far as it is inconsistent with certain acts of perfection… unless perhaps, by mutual consent, they give themselves to continence for a time, ‘that they may give themselves to prayer’ (1 Cor. 7:5) (II-II, Q.184, Art.6).
To those who claim the marital act between spouses is always to be accepted and always free of sin, in 1679, Pope Innocent X condemned the following proposition: “The act of marriage exercised for pleasure only is entirely free of all fault and venial defect.” All gifts and states in life must be regulated and subordinated to the laws of the God and of the Church.
Natural Family Planning as Abstinence
In the modern period, Natural Family Planning, when practiced under the specific guidelines specified by Pope Pius XII, is another form of sexual abstinence within marriage. Natural Family Planning can never be treated with the same mindset of artificial contraception. If it does, it is seriously sinful.
Pope Pius XII addressed the topic of Natural Family Planning (NFP) in several speeches, notably to the Italian Catholic Union of Midwives in 1951. He acknowledged that couples could use natural methods to regulate births under certain conditions, emphasizing both the seriousness of the reasons and the moral framework in which such decisions must be made. Here are the key requirements for a valid use of NFP as outlined by Pope Pius XII:
- Grave Reasons: Couples may use NFP only for serious or grave reasons, which he described as being related to: medical or physical health concerns (i.e. if a pregnancy would pose significant risks to the health or life of the mother), Economic or social conditions (i.e., if the couple faces extreme poverty or other significant difficulties in providing for additional children), or Eugenic concerns (i.e., if there is a high likelihood of passing on severe genetic conditions or illnesses).
- Respect for God’s Design: The use of NFP must respect the natural order established by God. This means refraining from artificial contraception and using only the natural rhythms of the body to achieve or avoid conception.
- Temporary Use: NFP should not be adopted as a permanent or indefinite practice unless the grave reasons persist. Pius XII emphasized that this method should be viewed as a response to specific, exceptional circumstances.
- Moral Intention: The couple’s intention must be morally upright. The decision to avoid pregnancy should not stem from selfishness or a rejection of the procreative aspect of marriage but should be motivated by the aforementioned grave concerns and guided by prayerful discernment.
- Open to Life: Even when using NFP, couples must remain open to the possibility of life. Pius XII emphasized that the marital act is inherently procreative and unitive and deliberate actions to separate these two purposes are morally unacceptable.
By affirming these principles, Pope Pius XII sought to balance the Church’s commitment to the sanctity of marriage and procreation with compassion for couples facing real difficulties. Hence, he teaches:
Serious motives, such as those which not rarely arise from medical, eugenic, economic and social so-called ‘indications,’ may exempt husband and wife from the obligatory, positive debt for a long period or even for the entire period of matrimonial life. From this it follows that the observance of the natural sterile periods may be lawful, from the moral viewpoint: and it is lawful in the conditions mentioned. If, however, according to a reasonable and equitable judgment, there are no such grave reasons either personal or deriving from exterior circumstances, the will to avoid the fecundity of their union, while continuing to satisfy to the full their sensuality, can only be the result of a false appreciation of life and of motives foreign to sound ethical principles.
Through such periods of abstinence from sexual relations, spouses can nevertheless grow closer. Lamentably, by the time of Pope Pius XII the long-standing custom of abstaining from the martial act before Holy Communion and throughout Lent had long faded. Yet, by restoring these fasting periods and the customs of these times, couples could have been able to practice NFP using the necessary dispositions while also tying those into the Liturgical Year.
How Both Married and Single Life is Aided by Chastity
While not all are called to celibacy, all are called to chastity. The Angelic Doctor teaches, “Chastity is a virtue which moderates the appetite for venereal pleasure according to the judgment of reason, enlightened by faith, so that the appetite may not oppose man’s spiritual good” (II-II, Q.151, Art.1). And chastity can be grown by moderation of sexual pleasures, even in marriage. And rather than merely taking it upon ourselves to determine when to abstain from such pleasures, the Church’s patrimony of fasting and abstinence provides fitting periods to abstain completely from such pleasures and to increase in prayer, patience, humility, and chastity.
For many, the struggle against sins of the flesh will be present in stronger or lesser degrees all of one’s life, regardless of one’s state in life. But to those who frequently continue to fall into these sins, they run the risk of developing a blindness to these sins and a hardness of heart, as the Catechism of the Council of Trent warns:
But even though the adulterer may escape the punishment of death, he does not escape the great pains and torments that often overtake such sins as his. He becomes afflicted with blindness of mind, a most severe punishment; he is lost to all regard for God, for reputation, for honor, for family, and even for life; and thus, utterly abandoned and worthless, he is undeserving of confidence in any matter of moment and becomes unfitted to discharge any kind of duty.
Life, however, is not merely a continuous battle to avoid sin – it is an opportunity to practice virtue and grow in God’s grace. We do this by advancing in purity, which is also enjoined by virtue of the Sixth Commandment as the Roman Catechism affirms:
We now come to explain the positive part of the precept. The faithful are to be taught and earnestly exhorted to cultivate continence and chastity with all care, to cleanse themselves from all defilement of the flesh and of the spirit, perfecting sanctification in the fear of God [II Cor. viii. 1].
The strongest motivation of all for why we should do so is Our Lord’s own words: Blessed are the pure of heart: for they shall see God (Matthew 5:8). As St. John Chrysostom reminds us, “Those who love chastity, whose consciences are completely clear, keep their hearts pure. No other virtue is so necessary in order to see God.”[2] Among the disciples, Our Lord’s purity was most imitated by St. John the Evangelist, who was a perpetual virgin. Fr. Alban Butler in his Lives of the Saints recounts three primary reasons why he was especially loved by Our Lord and the third of which, his virginal purity, should instill in us a great desire to persevere in purity for the rest of our lives if we too hope to see the Lord:
Our divine Redeemer had a particular affection for him above the rest of the apostles; insomuch that when St. John speaks of himself, he saith that he was ‘The disciple whom Jesus loved’; and frequently he mentions himself by this only characteristic; which he did not out of pride to distinguish himself, but out of gratitude and tender love for his blessed Master. If we inquire into the causes of this particular love of Christ towards him, which was not blind or unreasonable, the first was doubtless, as St. Austin observes, the love which this disciple bore Him; secondly, his meekness and peaceable disposition by which he was extremely like Christ Himself; thirdly, his virginal purity.[3]
To truly advance in purity, a soul must have recourse to fasting. St. Thomas Aquinas, when explaining the three-fold purpose of fasting, mentions its role in restraining lust:
First, in order to bridle the lusts of the flesh, wherefore the Apostle says (II Cor. vi. 5-6): ‘In fasting, in chastity,’ since fasting is the guardian of chastity. For, according to Jerome, ‘Venus is cold when Ceres and Bacchus are not there,’ that is to say, lust is cooled by abstinence in meat and drink (II-II q147 a1).
Likewise, dressing modestly and refraining from visiting places where people are prone to dress immodestly is a further defense against sexual temptations. Both the Blessed Virgin Mary and St. John the Apostle provide worthy models to imitate. And even those in married life are called to practice chastity and reject all unnatural sexual sins. Fasting as our forefathers did can help us achieve this state of purity.
Conclusion
Fasting is more than just Lent, and abstinence is more than merely abstaining on even all Friday’s year round. Our Catholic heritage is replete with nearly half of the year dedicated to abstinence and a third of the year committed to fasting. Join the Fellowship of St. Nicholas and commit to observe some of these forgotten periods. Learn more and join the cause!
[1] James A. Brundage, Law, Sex, and Christian Society in Medieval Europe, (University of Chicago Press, 2009), 158.
[2] Quoted from The Way by Josemaría Escrivá, 119.
[3] Butler, The Lives of the Fathers, Martyrs, and Other Principal Saints, Vol. 12.